Control: Goal or Delusion (Part 2)
Back to our discussion on control.
When it comes to buyers and sellers, our goal, like the football team is to control the ball and win. In our case, it’s to influence our control over the pool of buyers and sellers, and win clients, who listen to us and follow our advice. We accomplish this through trust, transparency, and communication. I covered communications in previous e-mails.
Incidentally, the coach’s E+R=O Reaction principle, described in my previous email, applies to any event or experience, and whether we’re talking reactions or responses, a reaction being a response with less conscious thought.
Example: Someone behind you at a light honks at you shortly after the light turns green. What do you do? In the same situation, how long would you wait before beeping?
Another example: Someone pushes you because you didn’t move along fast enough when the line in front of you moved. What you do next determines whether you stay in control or not. In the immediate, micro-seconds that follow, your mind will choose a Reaction, yes choose. Your mind will choose from everything you’ve ever fed it, everything you’ve ever seen, heard, read, experienced, visualized, or felt on the subject of how to deescalate a potentially explosive situation.
Back to our example, 1. You could push back and see what happens. 2. You could accuse him of overreacting and see where that argument takes you. 3. You could ask him politely to not touch you again, even if you’re a little slow. 4. You could apologize for moving so slowly.
In any case, whatever you choose to do, will then be the next link in a chain that you have the opportunity to influence, with each new response.
A seller screams at you because you asked him to drop the price? Try screaming back, tell him he’s a jerk, and see if that creates the Outcome you want, the control you want over the situation.
Newton, another scientist, clarifies with his 3rd law of physics: “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” In social interactions, the reactions may not be equal and opposite, but there will be a reaction or response of some sort. Make your response appropriate and healthy, one you can be proud of.
The overarching message is this: Don’t try to change or control people, or future events. Focus instead on pre-loading your mind with thoughtful Reactions and Responses to life’s curveballs, those responses that will get you the Outcomes you want.
Once you accept and begin to apply this principle, you’ll realize that you have much more control over your life than you realize, because this is where your power comes from, self-control. Understand this and you will never utter words like, you make me so mad, you make me sick, or you made me hit you.
It’s been said, “If you can’t control your emotional state you must be addicted to it, “from the movie What The Bleep Do We Know!?
Napoleon Hill reminds us with this quote: “You have absolute control over but one thing, and that is your thoughts. This is the most significant and inspiring of all facts known to man.”
Dr. Norman Vincent Peale put it this way. “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” How to change your thoughts will be covered in another mailer.
Two final thoughts:
Thinking that you can control events is a delusion of ego, a setup for habitual disappointment. However, knowing that you can control your Reactions and Responses to whatever life throws at you is a core factor in building self-confidence and self-esteem. T.Y.
Lastly, the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the ability to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”